: The Faulking Truth : Search There are now 260 entries in this column 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 13 >>> Viewing entries 1 to 20. What's So Funny 'Bout The Quote of the Day? (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding? (Nick Lowe ~ 1974) Nick Lowe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7txCdLCP9U&feature=search Elvis Costello: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XYFJUP84lE&feature=search As I walk through This wicked world, Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity, I ask myself: Is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred, and misery? And each time I feel like this inside, There's one thing I wanna know: What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? And as I walk on Through troubled times My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes. So where are the strong? And who are the trusted? And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. 'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry. What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? So where are the strong? And who are the trusted? And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. 'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry. What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Saturday , August 28, 2010  04:16 I'll Do My Part Quote of the Day "Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace." ~ Marianne Williamson, "A Woman's Worth" Saturday , August 28, 2010  04:12 I Want you To Believe This Quote of the Day http://www.thadguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/lazy-conspiracy-theorist.png Saturday , August 28, 2010  04:05 Old, But Apt, Quote of the Day "It's a great day in America when the whites, the blacks and the Latinos can get together to hate a completely different minority!" ~ George Lopez, on Arabic people. Friday , August 20, 2010  05:06 Yang Chu's Quote of the Day Yang Chu's Garden of Pleasure [The Yang Chu chapter of the Lieh Tzu (book 7)] translated by Anton Forke [London, 1912] CHAPTER VI THE IDEAL LIFE YANG CHU said: "Yuan Hsie lived in mean circumstances in Lu, while Tse Kung amassed wealth in Wei." "Poverty galled the one, and riches caused uneasiness to the other." "So poverty will not do nor wealth either." "But what then will do?" "I answer enjoy life and take one's ease, for those who know how to enjoy life are not poor, and he that lives at ease requires no riches." Tuesday , August 17, 2010  20:17 Parboiled Quote of the Day A Glass of Beer ~ James Stephens (1887 - 1950) The lanky hank of a she in the inn over there Nearly killed me for asking the loan of a glass of beer; May the devil grip the whey-faced slut by the hair, And beat bad manners out of her skin for a year. That parboiled ape, with the toughest jaw you will see On virtue’s path, and a voice that would rasp the dead, Came roaring and raging the minute she looked at me, And threw me out of the house on the back of my head! If I asked her master he'd give me a cask a day; But she, with the beer at hand, not a gill would arrange! May she marry a ghost and bear him a kitten, and may The High King of Glory permit her to get the mange. Tuesday , August 17, 2010  07:33 Alone and Strange Quote of the Day "I thought when love for you died, I should die. It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on." ~ Rupert Brooke Saturday , August 14, 2010  06:09 Tarnished Quote of the Day "Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing." ~ Anais Nin Thursday , August 12, 2010  18:33 War-like, Yet Peaceful, Quote of the Day "Do you wish the portmanteaus brought in? Shall I make a bed for you, and get tea ready?" asked his valet. Pierre made no reply, because he did not see or hear anything. He had become absorbed in reflections at the previous station, and...kept thinking of one thing, which was so important to him that he paid no attention to what was going on all about him. He was not interested in the question how soon he should arrive at St. Petersburg, or whether he should find a place to sleep in at the next station; that was a matter of indifference to him in comparison with those thoughts which occupied him now, and he did not care whether he was to pass a few hours or his whole life at this station. The stationmaster, his wife, the valet, then a woman with Torzhdk embroidery entered the room, offering their services. Pierre...looked at them over his glasses and could not comprehend what it was they wanted or how they could live without solving those questions which troubled him. [...] The stationmaster came in and began obsequiously to ask his Excellency to wait just "two little hours," after which he would get his excellency horses, cost what it might. The stationmaster was obviously lying, wishing only to extort money from the traveler. "Was it right or wrong?" Pierre asked himself. "As far as I am concerned, it was good, but it is bad for the next traveler, but the stationmaster can't help himself because he has nothing to eat; he said that an officer had beaten him; but perhaps the officer beat him because it was necessary. And I shot Ddlokhov because I regarded myself as insulted; and Louis XVI. was executed because he was regarded as a criminal; a year later they killed those who executed him, for some reason or other. What is wrong? What is right? What ought to be loved, and what hated? What must we live for, and what am I? What is life, and what is death? What power controls all?" he asked himself. And there was no answer to even one of these questions, except one, which was not logical, and no answer at all to these questions. This answer was: "When you die, all is ended. When you die, you will find out everything, or you will cease asking altogether." But the mere thought of death was terrible to him. The Torzhdk peddler woman in a squeaky voice offered her wares, especially goatskin slippers. "I have hundreds of rubles which I do not know what to do with, and she stands there in a torn fur coat and looks timidly at me," thought Pierre. "What good is there in this money? Could this money add one hair's breadth of happiness and peace to her soul? Can anything in the world make her and me less subject to evil and to death? Death will end all, and may come today or tomorrow. Everything is of equal unimportance in comparison with eternity."... His servant handed him a book, it being a novel in letters, by Mme. Souza. He began to read about the suffering and the virtuous struggle of some Amelie de Mansfeld. "Why did she struggle against her seducer," he thought," since she loved him? God could not have filled her soul with desires contrary to His will. The one who was my wife did not struggle, and, perhaps, she was right . Nothing has been invented," Pierre again said to himself, "nothing has been discovered. We can know only that we know nothing, and this is the acme of human wisdom." Everything in him and around about him appeared to be confused, senseless, and disgusting. But in this very disgust for everything that surrounded him, Pierre discovered a certain kind of irritating pleasure. Leo Tolstoy - "War and Peace: part fifth" Monday , August 9, 2010  07:41 Immortal Quote of the Day THE IMMORTAL PART by A.E. Housman When I meet the morning beam, Or lay me down at night to dream, I hear my bones within me say, “Another night, another day. “When shall this slough of sense be cast, This dust of thoughts be laid at last, The man of flesh and soul be slain And the man of bone remain? “This tongue that talks, these lungs that shout, These thews that hustle us about, This brain that fills the skull with schemes, And its humming hive of dreams,– “These to-day are proud in power And lord it in their little hour: The immortal bones obey control Of dying flesh and dying soul. “‘Tis long till eve and morn are gone: Slow the endless night comes on, And late to fulness grows the birth That shall last as long as earth. “Wanderers eastward, wanderers west, Know you why you cannot rest? ‘Tis that every mother’s son Travails with a skeleton. “Lie down in the bed of dust; Bear the fruit that bear you must; Bring the eternal seed to light, And morn is all the same as night. “Rest you so from trouble sore, Fear the heat o’ the sun no more, Nor the snowing winter wild, Now you labour not with child. “Empty vessel, garment cast, We that wore you long shall last. –Another night, another day.” So my bones within me say. Therefore they shall do my will To-day while I am master still, And flesh and soul, now both are strong, Shall hale the sullen slaves along, Before this fire of sense decay, This smoke of thought blow clean away, And leave with ancient night alone The stedfast and enduring bone. Saturday , August 7, 2010  08:17 No Bigotry Here Quote of the Day These are signs that have been seen, and statements heard, at recent Tea Party and 9/12 rallies and protests. The ones with an asterisk are mass-produced. I point this out because it gives lie to the argument that these people are just a few lunatics in the crowd. If the signs are mass-produced, and seen many times in many places, then there's a market for them. Nothing is mass-produced for a market of "just a few." I have tried to preserve the original orthography and grammar.~ KDS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Keep "Obama's hands off my Big Mac!" ~ I don't know what he meant, but I think it's about the bizarre notion that the government will ruthlessly enforce healthy eating habits with what one GOP congressman recently called the "bacon police." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Barack Obama is a communist." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What did you do, you parasite socialist!...The only good communist is a dead communist!" (Tea partier, screaming like a maniac at a news cameraman) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMA'S PLAN: WHITE SLAVERY" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "We came unarmed...THIS TIME" ~ It's great how they never resort to threats, isn't it? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Barack Hussein Obama: The New Face of Hitler" * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Go back home!" (To an American journalist) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHITE SLAVE AMERICA!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMA IS THE ANTI CHRIST" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'WE NEED A CHRISTIAN PRESIDENT" * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The American Taxpayers Are The Jews For Obama's Ovens." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMA was NOT bowing. He was SUCKING Saudi JEWELS!" ~ Where were these people when the Saudi royal family's best friends, the Bushes, were in charge? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "STAND IDLE WHILE SOME KENYAN TRIES TO DESTROY AMERICA? WAP!! I DON'T THINK SO!!! HOMEY DON'T PLAY DAT!!!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HEY BIG BROTHER...SHOW US YOUR REAL BIRTH CIRTIFICATE! CONSTITUTION: ARTICLE 2 SECTION 1" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHOA BOYS! I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE." (Caption of a cartoon depicting Barack Obama talking to a trio of heavily armed terrorists, while airliners fry over a city skyline.) * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "CONGRESS = SLAVE OWNER TAXPAYER = NIGGAR" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I work 4 U" (What TeaParty.org Photo-Shopped the above sign to say when they placed a photo of it in their web site. This may well be linked to the fact that the man wielding the sign was Dale Robertson, who operates TeaParty.org. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "SIEG HEIL HERR OBAMA" * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WAKE UP AMERICA YOUR MUSLIM PRESIDENT! BOWED TO HIS MUSLIM KING!!!! ~ Bush only held his hand, kissed him and sought his advice on running for president! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMA TERRORIST TO AMERICA IN GOD WE TRUST" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Impeach Osama Obama AKA Hussein" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Obama Spends Like A Woman!! ~ "But he breaks just like a little girl." ~ Bob Dylan -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "ObaMa-NOMiCS Monkey see, monkey spend! (Illustrated with a hideous, "Ubangi" caricature.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "CAP" CONGRESS AND "TRADE" OBAMA BACK TO KENYA!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "BEWARE OF DOG!" (On a sign featuring a Photo-Shopped picture of the president with enormous distorted lips and, a lowered brow and small, canine eyes. Beside that was a photo of the president morphed with one of Osama bin Laden." * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Oh S#!t It's 1939 Germany all over again Obama's HR 3200 = Hitler's T-4" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Don't Tax Me Bro!" (Under a campaign portrait of the president.) * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Obama's change Slavery for all Americans!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "IMPEACH THE MUSLIM MARXIST" (Carried by a man wearing a hat on which he had painted "KING REDNECK.") -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "THE ZOO HAS AN AFRICAN LION AND THE WHITE HOUSE HAS A LYIN' AFRICAN!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scrawled on a piece of cardboard: "This Sign Is The Brownest Thing On This Entire Block" (I'm pretty sure this guy was joking because of the look on his face and the fact that he was wearing a "Listen to Bob Marley t-shirt. The Tea partiers around him didn't seem to be getting it.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "FREE MARKET NOT FREE LOADERS" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM ASHAMED OF MY COUNTRY!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "THE ANTi-CHRiST iS LiViNG iN THE WHiTE HOUSE" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMA LISTENS TO MAO... I LISTEN TO... FOX NEWS" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "STOP HIM NOW BEFORE IT'S TO LATE IT'S NOT ABOUT OBAMACARE IT'S ABOUT POWER! When we smell the burning flesh from the ovens it will be to late for us all socialism" (The text is printed over the infamous Obama/Joker portrait.) * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "IMPEACH THE KENYAN" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "GIMME YO CHANGE Obama '08" (This sign featured the president as Mr. T.) * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMA IS A DESTRUCTIVE, UNPATRIOTIC, BLACK MUSLIM" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "THANK U GLENN & RUSH" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "God Bless GLENN BECK" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Thank you! Fox News for keeping US IN The loop! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "PROTECT ME GUARD OUR BORDERS" (Sign held by a small girl.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "STAY OUT OF MY PIGGY BANK" (Sign held by an even smaller girl.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMA BIN-LYIN' OUR FREE MARKETS NOT THE TERRORISTS." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "CONSTITUTION = LIBERTY NOT NATIONAL SOCIALIZM" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "DON'T FALL FOR THE 'TAX CUT' SHELL GAME. TYRANNY IS MEASURED IN DOLLARS SPENT." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "My Tax Dollars Pay For Illegal Immigration." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Obama What you Talkin about Willis! Spend My Money?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "SOMEWHEREIN KENYA A VILLAGE IS MISSING IT'S IDIOT" * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next to a picture of a hand flipping the bird: ""MY NEW PRESIDENTIAL SALUTE! KUMBAYA MY ASS! OBAMA - YOUR MASSA ON HIS NEW PLANTATION!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Go Trash Your Father's Crappy Country. Don't Trash My Father's GREAT COUNTRY! God Bless America! Damn Obama!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next to an outrageous caricature of the president as a half pimp - half monkey: "BARK OBAMA NO OBAMA WELFARE '08 WELFARE BROKEN OBAMA IS A BLACK FUTURE" (I know monkeys don't bark, but this person didn't seem to know that.) * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "IMPEACH THIS AMERICA-HATING MARXIST BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "[unintelligible] is not freedom! We are losing our civil liberties every day, becoming financially enslaved!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "220 YEARS TO BUILD THE REPUBLIC 1 MONTH TO DESTROY IT" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Indict Barney Frank" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "9 - 11 INSIDE JOB" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You're a sick-o, so I'll tell you." (This was the man wearing the above t-shirt to a reporter who asked him why he was wearing it -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Man wearing a hat that says "THE PATRIOTIC - THE PROUD": "How long do we have to keep payin' for slavery? How long do we have to keep bailin' 'em out before they find a job and start taking care of their families? Alright? Reporter: Did you get a tax cut this year from Barack Obama? Mr. Patriotic and Proud: "I don't pay taxes." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "COMRADE HUSSEiN FREEDOMS BALL & CHAIN" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WE SURROUND THEM THE 912PROJECT.COM" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Only gold and silver is money." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE PRESIDENT NOW DESERVES IMPEACHMENT. LaRouchepac.com" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "house LIAR pelosi" (The picture is of Nancy Pelosi in an S. S. uniform, giving a Nazi salute.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "LIAR FAKE RACIST! AND DANGEROUS" (The picture depicts the president with a very long nose.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OUR TROOPS DID NOT FIGHT AND DIE FOR SOCIALISM!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "SOCIALISM SUCKS!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "OBAMACARE OBAMAFASCISM" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HEY HUSSEIN, QUIT 'DIXIE CHICKIN' OUR NATION GO BACK TO KENYA" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "BARNEY JUST BECAUSE YOU TAKE IT UP THE ASS DOESN'T MEAN WE NEED TO" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HEALTH CARE REFORM = DRUG TESTING Pisyn cup First!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "This is America and our only Lanaguage is English" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOMESCHOLERS FOR PERRY" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHITE PEOPLE ARE PISSED." (This guy is pretty clearly joking, but again, those around him aren't getting it.") -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thursday , August 5, 2010  18:56 Too True Quote of the Day "We want to stall as long as possible. We can't be creating jobs before the election. There's no payoff in it for us." A Republican senator's campaign aide, explaining why GOP senators killed a vote on their own small business bill this week. The aide, wishing to keep his job, spoke on the condition that his name would not be revealed. Thursday , August 5, 2010  02:15 Dark and Silent Quote of the Day "Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content." ~ Helen Keller Thursday , August 5, 2010  02:20 Good Deeds Quote of the Day 21 Ways to Do A Good Deed One of the greatest things any of us can do in life is reach out and do a good deed for another human being. Whether it means offering your love and compassion, or making a charitable donation of time, energy, or money, there are many ways to bring sunshine into the lives of others. Here are 21 simple suggestions to get you started. These tips were inspired and provided by the authors of Spirit of Service: Your Daily Stimulus for Making a Difference (HarperOne, 2009). (I copied these from beliefnet. After their 21, I've added some of my own. I have also expanded some of theirs, while correcting a bit of substandard punctuation and orthography. I also made some wise-ass comments. ~ KDS) 1 - Invite an ill or elderly neighbor to dinner, or offer to bring him or her a home-cooked meal. (Heck, even bring something from Taco Bell will do, if you can't make a meal. ~ KDS) 2 - Tithe 10 percent or give what you can on a regular basis to places that help others. (You'll be surprised and relieved to learn that you can live without that 10, 8, 5 or 2 percent. "What you can" give is usually more than you are at first inclined to give. ~ KDS) 3 - Join a group whose mission you believe in and donate your most valuable resource—time. 4 - Rescue a dog, cat, or other animal from your local shelter. 5 - Volunteer at a soup kitchen or church shelter. (Not just at Thanksgiving or Christmas, either! ~ KDS) 6 - Bring flowers to a friend who’s been feeling down. 7 - Write a letter to your representative in Congress about an issue that’s important to you. (Make sure the letter is constructive. Terms like "weasel," "crook" and "contemptible, power-addicted greed-head" won't help, even if they're accurate descriptions of your senator or representative. ~ KDS) 8 - Donate "once in a lifetime" clothing, such as bridesmaid dresses, prom dresses, or even bridal gowns—many people can't afford new formalwear for big events, so let someone else enjoy them. 9 - Help stretch limited budget dollars--and keep the library open for as many hours as possible--by offering a few hours of your time each week. 10 - Write a thank-you letter to a member of the armed forces who is currently stationed overseas. (They don't have to be overseas. This applies to fire-fighters, EMT's and cops, too. ~ KDS) 11 - Participate in a local walk or run for charity. Sign up donors to support your efforts and cheer you on. 12 - Visit a local museum, see a play, or attend a concert in your community. 13 - Add beauty to your neighborhood and help the environment at the same time. (Pick up garbage, plant a tree or some bulbs, etc. ~ KDS) 14 - Offer your seat on the bus or train to someone who is disabled, elderly, pregnant--or who just looks tired. 15 - Get in touch with an old friend. At the very least, they will be touched and honored to know you were thinking of them. 16 - Help a child with music or reading. Tutor kids in math or other schoolwork. Or, just spend time with a needy child. It can make all the difference in the world. 17 - Donate clothes, furniture, books, and house-wares you don't use to your local Goodwill, Deseret Industries or Salvation Army. 18 - Most waiters and waitresses make the bulk of their pay via tips. Whenever possible, be generous. (It's always possible. If you're in a restaurant, you're not destitute. ~ KDS) 19 - Help keep your neighborhood safe by joining the neighborhood watch. (If you're one of the burglars, arsonists, rapists or murderers that inspired the formation of the neighborhood watch, CUT IT OUT! ~ KDS) 20 - Give busy parents you know a break by offering to watch their kids for an afternoon or evening. (How about a week, or two? ~ KDS) 21 - When you upgrade, donate old electronics to schools or nonprofit organizations that support lower-income families who desperately need working equipment. The following are my own. ~ KDS 22 - Don't spread urban legends, rumors and friend-of-a-friend stories. Most of them serve only to generate groundless fear. Example: "Men are hiding under cars in parking lots and attacking people when they're leaving." It's almost impossible to attack somebody if you're under their car. It's absolutely impossible to drag them under there with you and rape them. If you cannot tell, even after thinking it through, if some horror story is true, check it out at snopes.com, TruthOrFiction.com or The Museum of Hoaxes. When you spread fear, you make the world a bit uglier than it needs to be. 23 - Look a homely woman/man right in the eye, smile and wink at her/him. You don't have to be Daniel Craig or Melyssa Ford to do this. You'll brighten his/her day, even if you're a bottom-feeder on the sexual food chain. During the years (eons?) that I was morbidly obese, my heart raced if I got a second glance from a homeless and unemployed Yoko Ono impersonator! You don't have to ask them out. He/she will be thrilled to simply not get the disgusted sneer that unattractive people see on faces dozens of times a day. 24 - Send an anonymous grocery store gift card to a family that is struggling. 25 - Make a suggestion to a fellow shopper at a music or book store, based on what they're already looking at: "If you like Warren Zevon, you'll probably like this Paul Thorn C. D, too," or "I like Nabokov, too. This collection has a short story called "The Enchanter," which later was fleshed out to become "Lolita." 26 - If you catch a foul ball, toss it to the nearest kid. 27 - Write an old-fashioned letter, or send an actual greeting, card to somebody. There's something special about receiving and opening one, and they can keep it. Years from now, they'll pull it out of a drawer, and have that feeling all over again. 28 - Call an ex, and remind them of something funny that happened when you were together. It's far, far better than reminding them angrily, again, of how they may have hurt you. 29 - For once, talk to a friend who is ill or unemployed about something other than their illness or unemployment. 30 - If the person in front of you in line is about to return some grocery items because they're a little short on money, pay for those items for them. You'll make their day, and the people behind you will be grateful, too. 31 - Go to a yard sale, buy a bicycle for five or ten bucks, and give it to some kid that doesn't have one, or an adult who needs transportation. 32 - Don't use the parking spots reserved for disabled people unless you're really disabled. 33 - Sponsor a child at Childfund, or a similar organization. 34 - Offer help to a stranded driver. 35 - Make sure your tires are properly inflated. You'll save gas, and thus reduce the amount your car pollutes. 36 - Laugh, even when the comedian isn't all that funny. 37 - Become an English as a Second Language teacher. In most cities, the long waiting lists for the ESL classes are the results of a dearth of teachers. You don't have to be able to speak another language to do it. You'll have fun, too, like Robin Williams in "Good Morning, Vietnam." 38 - When you get in your car, make a decision to see how many other drivers you can be courteous to as you drive. Keep track, and see if you can beat your record next time. 39 - Be on time for appointments. Being late, as I so often am, causes frustration and delay for the other people on the schedule. 40 - Live the portions of your religion or philosophy that don't come so easily to you, or that you've been in denial about. 41 - Load up on food items, travel-size toiletries, books, flip-flops, etc, at the 99 Cent store, and distribute them to the homeless. 42 - Learn something about a person, group, race or culture that you don't like that helps you understand a way in which you are similar to them. 43 - Apologize! 44 - Forgive! Thursday , August 5, 2010  04:54 Mitts Are For Baseball And Cooking Quote of the Day “Hugo Chávez has tried to steal an inspiring phrase — Patria o muerte, venceremos. It does not belong to him. It belongs to a free Cuba.” Mitt Romney, invoking a phrase that translates to “Fatherland or death, we shall overcome,” which Fidel Castro has used to close his speeches for years, and which is associated with Cuban oppression. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Well, the question is kind of a non sequitur, if you will. And what I mean by that — or a null set.” Mitt Romney, after being asked during a Republican debate whether is was a mistake to invade Iraq. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I've been a hunter pretty much all my life.” Mitt Romney, just before his campaign explained that "pretty much all my life" means he’s been hunting twice, once when he was 15, and once in 2006 at a Republican fund raiser. Friday , July 30, 2010  11:58 Wal-Mart Quote of the Day Seen over a water fountain at the Mount Sterling, KY Wal-Mart: "DO NOT USE THIS WATER FOR ANYTHING ELSE BUT WATER!" Tuesday , July 27, 2010  11:10 What's Left of the Quote of the Day? "We don't comment on Paul's private and personal or business affairs" Paul Freundlich, New York-based spokesman for Paul McCartney "Gee, what's left for a spokesman to speak about?" Mario Casciano, New York-based amused person Friday , July 23, 2010  00:58 Bad Duke Quote of the Day These are ten college football teams who need to just give it up. The number beside them is their winning percentage over the last ten years. ~ KDS 1. Duke (.164) 2. Eastern Michigan (.237) Their average attendance in 2009 was 5,016, including more than 15,000 at the game against Army. 3. Buffalo (.254) 4. Idaho (.263) 5. Utah State (.278) 6. Southern Methodist (.288) 7. Tie: Vanderbilt and Temple (.291) 9. Baylor (.293) 10. New Mexico State (.308) Florida International (.261) would be on the list, but they only started their football program eight years ago. Army (.214) would be there, but football is the only fun those guys ever get to have. Flip side -- The teams with the highest winning percentage over the last ten years: 1. Boise State (868) 2. Texas (.853) 3. Oklahoma (.821) 4. Ohio State (.803) 5. University of Southern California (.797) 6. Florida (.769) 7. Texas Christian (. 766) 8. Georgia (.760) 9. Virginia Tech (.756) 10. Miami of Florida (.736) Thursday , July 22, 2010  00:47 What Can I Do With This Quote of the Day? "The problem is, you can't tell people these things. They'll think you're crazy. And I say to myself: What can I do with this life inside me? I'd like to give it ... to make a present of it ... to go up to people and tell them: You need to be joyful! You know? You have to play at being pirates ... to build cities of marble ... to laugh ... to set off firecrackers" Roberto Arlt (El Juguete Rabioso / the Mad Toy) Wednesday , July 21, 2010  01:05 Captain Beefquote of the Day These are some of my favorite band and star names. This list has nothing to do with the quality, or lack of quality, of their music. It's just about a good name. If they had an especially good song name, album name or song line, I may include that. ~ KDS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baQ6XM-QuSE The Rolling Stones The Electric Prunes ~ "I Had Too Much To Dream, Last Night" U2 The Verge and Mary ~ The drummer is named Martin Blazy, which sounds like a made-up, cool, rock and roll name. It's his real, cool, rock and roll name. http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Verge-and-Mary/112915444906 http://thevergeandmary.com/ The Rhythm Butchers ~ This was a pseudonym for The Turtles...high out of their minds between gigs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_dViG7luPk The U. S. Teens, Featuring Raoul ~ This was a pseudonym for The Turtles on their L. P. "The Turtles Present The Battle of the Bands." The Atomic Enchilada ~ This was a pseudonym for The Turtles on their L. P. "The Turtles Present The Battle of the Bands." Chief Kamanawanalea and his Royal Macadamia Nuts ~ This was a pseudonym for The Turtles on their L. P. "The Turtles Present The Battle of the Bands." Fats Mallard and The Bluegrass Fireball ~ Yet another pseudonym for The Turtles on their L. P. "The Turtles Present The Battle of the Bands." Kid Creole and the Coconuts ~ They're featured in the movie "Against All Odds," singing "My Male Curiosity." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-OVqho2bxE&feature=related Kid Creole (nee: Thomas August Darnell Browder) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YrEiVO93LU Coati Mundi (nee: Andy Hernandez), a member of Kid Creole and the Coconuts Nine Inch Nails Soft Cell Bob Dylan ~ Who could take "Robert Zimmerman" seriously? ...And you Will Know Us By The trail Of Dead http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgqEWJ8AC9o The Beatles ~ We've grown up with this name, so it's easy to forget how clever it was at first. The Traveling Wilburys ~ Creating a pseudo-super-group was a great way to avoid naming a real super-group, or billing its members. Television Personalities http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6zf7P8eTRI&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7dTm247nLg Pink Floyd ~ The name is derived from the names of two blues musicians whose records Syd Barrett had in his collection, Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. When I saw this tour, I spent the entire show falling in love with these back-up singers, especially the one in the middle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqHBL1CIq_w Jello Biafra Dead Kennedys Roxy Music Brian Eno ~ His full name is Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno Gang of Four http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEtwl2P_8f0&feature=related Talking Heads ~ From Webster's Dictionary: " televised head and shoulders shot of a person talking also a television personality who appears in such shots" The Falling Wallendas Girlyman Blondie ~ This name was a master stroke. You have this extremely sexy blond front-woman, so you name the band "Blondie." This guarantees word-of-mouth and interviews all about how "Blondie is a group. Debbie is the singer. She is not Blondie." Bungee Jumping Cows Motordude Zydeco Fred & His Incredible Shrinking Grateful Aeroplanes ~ "The whole West Coast long-named group thing was coming in...when people were no longer called the Beatles or the Crickets, they were suddenly Fred and His Incredible Shrinking Grateful Airplanes." ~ John Lennon Ultravox http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJeWySiuq1I Sweep The Leg Johnny http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweep_the_Leg_Johnny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN3PLKDQZQI Thelonious Monk ~ Full name: Thelonious Sphere Monk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmhP1RgbrrY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMmeNsmQaFw The The The Delfonics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOvfctgwnug Spermicidal Maniacs Red Hot Chili Peppers Captain Beefheart (nee: Don Glen Vliet) Snakefinger http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSnc0fKvLpw The Velvet Underground Alice Cooper ~ In the beginning, Alice Cooper was the band, not the singer. Creedence Clearwater Revival ~ This was the best of the "The whole West Coast long-named group thing." Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band Mink DeVille http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3kTKLkC6T4 Asleep at the Wheel Dixie Chicks Nacho Supreme Being N. W. A. (Niggers With an Attitude) ~ I hate that word, but that was their name. Coolio (nee: Artis Leon Ivey, Jr.) Elvis Costello ~ It conjures up quite an image (Elvis Presley + Lou Costello), and it sounds better than Declan Patrick MacManus. The Very Thought Of Fucking Hitler Bambi's Mother ~ This was never a real band, but it should have been. My friend, Tim, came on the air with me and asked the listeners to suggest a name for his new band. This was the one we liked best. Unfortunately, the other members of the band didn't like it. The Damned ~ The name that spawned a million imitators. Gnarls Barkley Muddy Waters (nee: McKinley Morganfield) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5IOou6qN1o Howlin' Wolf (nee: Chester Arthur Burnett) Jethro Tull ~ Named after an agriculturalist who improved the seed drill, advocated the use of horses instead of oxen, invented a horse-drawn hoe for clearing weeds and and made changes to the design of the plow. The Runaways ~ It was perfect for what they were: a group of, underage, bad-ass girls. Joan Jett (nee: Joan Marie Larkin) Manic Street Preachers The Sex Pistols ~ If your objective, in 1976, was to upset and alarm people, this would do the trick. Insane Clown Posse Unsung Zeros Jif and The Choosy Mothers http://jifandthechoosymothers.jerrydowd.com/jif_and_the_choosy_mothers.htm Meat Loaf ~ "One more question, Mr. Loaf!" Hootie McBoob and the Inflatable Dates Japandroids The Fabulous Stains http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082639/ The New York Dolls ~ What else would you call a bunch of exceedingly ugly cross-dressers? Chainsaw Kittens Crystal Method Presidents of the United States of America Motorhead ~ "Love Me Like A Reptile" The Grateful Dead ~ The legend is that Jerry Garcia poked his finger into a dictionary and hit "Grateful Dead," the definition of which was: "The motif of a cycle of folk tales which begin with the hero coming upon a group of people ill-treating or refusing to bury the corpse of a man who had died without paying his debts. He gives his last penny, either to pay the man's debts or to give him a decent burial. Within a few hours he meets with a traveling companion who aids him in some impossible task, gets him a fortune or saves his life. The story ends with the companion disclosing himself as the man whose corpse the hero had befriended." The Dead Milkmen Mojo Nixon (nee: Neill Kirby McMillan, Jr) Leadbelly ~ (nee: Huddie Ledbetter) He actually spelled it "Lead Belly." Buffalo Springfield ~ They took their name from the side of a steamroller, made by the Buffalo-Springfield Roller Company. The Angry Samoans ~ Check out this album cover: http://www.academyannex.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/wpsc/product_images/AngrySamoans-InsideMyBrain_orig-2.jpg Four Out of Five Doctors The Whores of Babylon Ramones Spock's Beard http://www.spocksbeard.com/ Wall of Voodoo ~ "I wish I was in Tijuana, eating barbecued iguana." MC 900 Foot Jesus ~ "Truth is Out of Style" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYtlpG0hb38 Opening Act Uriah Heep ~ Uriah Heep was an obsequious Dickens character who loved to boast about his humility. UB40 ~ They named themselves after the government form they were accustomed to filling out: Unemployment Benefits 40. The Farouks ~ From Malaysia Pearl Jam Mott The Hoople ~ Named after a novel by Willard Manus: "'Mott The Hoople' is an underground classic 60's comic novel. It is written in a freewheeling bawdy style. It's hero, Norman Mott, is a Rabelaisian figure who refuses to wear anybody's label, insists on being his own man, and, through a series of comic misadventures, discovers just who that man is." -- Amazon.com "'Mott the Hoople' should be approached like a trip to an amusement park: one goes to have fun, and the rides and the freaks, the cotton candy and the hot dogs, are all there now for one's ready pleasure. The book moves at the Marx Brothers' pace and is one of the funniest I have read in years." -- Josh Greenfield, Life Magazine Black Sabbath ~ At a time when everybody was singing about peace, love and getting together, this name made it clear that this band had different agenda. Steely Dan ~ "I just hate Dan Steely and John Leno!" ~ Dennis W, as we walked home from school in 1974. Poly Styrene (nee: Marian Joan Elliott Said), lead singer for X-Ray Spex "Oh Bondage, Up Yours!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e_aaoqwZ2Q&feature=related X-Ray Spex ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGROSJbCPV8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AS4bBEMT44&feature=related Barenaked Ladies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3AmY5HXzgA Trip and Squeezer ~ I suppose they chose this name because one had a reputation for dropping a lot of acid, and the other had a bit of an acne problem. I never asked them. Plastic Bertrand (nee: Roger Allen François Jouret) Evanescence Romeo Void ~ The lead singer, Deborah, pronounced her name Duh - BORE - uh. Queen Latifah (nee: Dana Owens) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeMWCVjco78 Chaka Khan (nee: Yvette Stevens) The Clash ~ The name lured in the nihilists, who then heard lyrics about justice, courage and positive action. Freddie Mercury (nee: Farrokh Bulsara - ફ્રારુક બુલ્સારાť) David Bowie ~ It's so much more romantic-sounding that David Jones, his real name. Eurythmics Butthole Surfers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNAkbbKycCM Rage Against The Machine Tuesday , July 20, 2010  04:43 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 13 >>> Search this column: Message : - Name : - All : Search: