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Faulking Around - Apr 29, 2005 - Printable Version
- American Idol Rigged? Who Cares?
by Mark Faulk
Next week, ABC plans to air an expose' on American Idol, which, according to "those in the know", will tell about how the show manipulates the vote to favor certain contestants. It will reportedly also air an interview with former contestant Cory Clark, who is shopping a book where he claims to have had an affair with Paula Abdul. Who cares? Hell, I had an affair with Paula Abdul, and the entire time she just kept screaming out "You're the next American Idol!" Granted, it was a dream, but an affair is an affair. Do the producers rig the vote? I don't know, but since the show is rigged from day one in the tryout process, it wouldn't surprise me one little bit. I mean, c'mon America. Do you really think that all those incredibly sucky singers make it through the judging process because someone thought they have talent? Time to face reality, boys and girls....on TV, there is no reality. Even the news is rigged, why would anyone expect a lame ass talent show to be any different?
Here's how it works: a few months ago, a friend of mine journeyed to New Orleans to try out for the show. He's a pretty damned talented pop R&B singer, and he stood in line along with the other several thousand singers waiting for a shot at "stardom". After waiting in line forever, he was ushered into a huge room filled with tables and judges......but not a Randy, Paula, or Simon in sight. The contestants were herded in like cattle, where a bunch of "pre-judges" weeded them out in record time. My friend was cut in round one, but what he told me was interesting, to say the least.
Every contestant goes through THREE rounds of judging BEFORE the "real" judges even get ahold of them. While he watched, several great singers were rejected in round one....while the worst ones were told how great they were, and sent on to the next round. When the (as he described it) "gay yodeling cowboy" made it through while the best of the best were rejected, it became clear that there were TWO competitions going on here. One was for the next American Idol, and the other was for the next William Hung. According to this contestant, "It's not a talent competition, it's a casting call. They're looking for the people who will be the most interesting on television, not the best singers in America."
So, those contestants who are the "worst of the worst" are set up by the judges. They survive three rounds of "pre-judging", where they are told how good they are, and then, finally, they get their big chance.....a shot at appearing in front of the Three Stooges Judging Panel of Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell. It's a setup from the start, but you won't hear that from Fox King Rupert Murdoch or the producers of the show.
Think about it....you audition, and incredibly, make it past round one, then round two, and praise the Lord!, you even make it past the all-important third round. But then, something strange happens. After you've been told by three panels of judges that you're good enough to finally appear in front of Randypaulasimon (with the TV cameras rolling, no less!), you break into your song, only to have all three judges laugh out loud at you, and to have Simon say something like "Do you have a singing teacher? Do you have an attorney? You should call your attorney and sue your singing teacher. That was horrrrrible" You've been set up to be ridiculed on national TV, AFTER you've been pumped up by three other sets of judges. It's cruelty TV at it's highest level.
Let's face it, America, this is purely entertainment, and not very entertaining entertainment at that. Cowell needs a new insult writer (Simon: your insults are horrrrrible. I've heard better insults from comic acts at a senior citizens' home talent show), Paula needs a new wardrobe consultant, and Randy needs to check his ID.....yo, dawg, you're way too old to say "yo, dawg". And ABC...get a life, guys, report on the stock market scandal, the Jeff Gannon fiasco, the ANWR drilling debacle, or any of the real news that you've chosen to ignore, and forget about who Paula Abdul did or didn't have sex with.....unless of course you've got explicit pictures or videotape. In that case, I take it all back, this IS newsworthy. And that, my fellow American Idols, is the Faulking Truth.
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