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Commentary Too - Oct 10, 2005 - Printable Version
- Being Different
by Kelsey Renee Faulk
(Editor's note....check that....Father's note: Kelsey wrote this a long time ago, especially in a teenager's concept of time...lifetimes ago. In the past couple of years, I've watched her grow in a thousand different ways. Grow as a person....grow as a creative, intelligent individual....and in some ways, grow apart from me. Truthfully, it's as much my fault as it is hers. I've been preocuppied, obsessed with changing our world, consumed with the problems that we all face on a daily basis, thinking that if I could somehow.....someway.....make our world a little better, that she, and my other chidren, would love me for it. And while I've been obsessed with all of that, she's been obsessed with growing up, finding herself, becoming herself. Why did I wait so long to post this? Maybe I thought it "didn't fit" our format, that adults might not relate to what a beautiful teenager was going through. Maybe I just lost track of what is important, of who is important. For that I apologize. I was wrong. Being different? Hell, I'm pushing fifty, and I still struggle with not fitting in.....and I know I'm not alone. We're a world full of misfits, a nation of people looking for a place to belong.
Maybe I'm right about trying to make our world a little better place, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it doesn't even matter. I do know this: I'd die for her tomorrow, if necessary, just as I would give my life for any of my children. I love them with all of my heart, through good times and bad times. They are my crowning achievement, if I never accomplish another single thing in my entire life, I'll feel as if my life was worthwhile for having had some small part in raising them. (Kudos to their mother, who is the best mother that ever was.)
Anyway......Kelsey, I love you with all of my heart. Sorry it took so long to post this.)
(Author's note: This was written well over a year ago, and we just now got it posted on the site. I am now in the tenth grade, in high school. And yes, I'm still very different. I have grown accustomed to getting made fun of, and a few of my friends even have joined in to being different with me. I am not alone. There is still a minority that exists all around the world. This currently makes me very happy, knowing that I fit in somewhere.)
By Kelsey Renee Faulk
Imagine:
You are an eighth grader walking through the halls of your middle school. You are wearing black stretch capris, a patchwork floral mini skirt (your mom's, from the 80's), high-top red and black plaid converse shoes, and a slightly off-the-shoulder long sleeved, layered green shirt that you got at Vanity for twelve bucks. You look like you just came out of a 1984 Madonna music video. To you, this is just another typical day at school, another typical outfit. You've always dressed like this. It was no surprise to your best friend when she saw you this morning, while you were carpooling your way to school. It was no huge surprise to your other friends, either. They know you have your own sense of style, but people keep staring. You're wondering if your imagination is just playing games with you, or if you are really seeing this. Someone walks by, and gives you a look up and down, disgustedly. You are surprised, after all, you wear "appalling" outfits all of the time. It's just another part of your personality. Why aren't they used to it by now?
But then again, this is just another day in your life. They're always flabbergasted by your daily fashions. You get nasty looks constantly, but you never take them to heart. People do find this strange, though. Someone not being irritated by plain "fun and games"*? You don't take these things to heart very often at all. Being different is your life, and you love it. But it does have its down side. Only your closest friends and family know you're not as happy as you appear to be. You get those looks from people, like you are getting today. The consistant and appalled stares from anyone nearby slowly eats away at your insides. Deep down inside, all you want to be is accepted. Not even popular, just accepted. But you never will be. And sadly, you know it. You will always be an outcast. As long as you dress this way, you will always be hated.
* * * *
Welcome to the world of an eighth grader who is simply not afraid to be herself. Welcome to my world. I am proud to announce that I have been made fun of all my life to my face, behind my back, and every other place you could possibly dream of. The cause of the torture in my childhood and young teenage years was this: that my personality is slightly different than everyone else's. I choose to express who I am through my appearance.** This also causes other teenagers to not be able to categorize me, which angers them. And when they're angry, they tend to take it out on everyone else. Particularly the person that "caused" this anger. And then the whole vicious circle of middle school begins again.
I am in eighth grade this year, and I would like to make it clear that every grade is not the same when it comes to taunting.*** It seems to me that as my fellow pupils and I get older, our teasing becomes more subtle, and less recognizable. In my current grade, instead of being cornered by comments from others, said to the face, we tend to have rumors being spread about things people would normally make fun of straight-forward. For example: I did not hear of the last rumor spread around school about me, until a close friend of mine informed me of what other people were saying. I felt like an idiot when I found out about the rumor, because I had been wondering why people had been passing me with evil snickers and dirty looks for the past few weeks. You see, when these rumors of hatred or intimidation are spread, people show it simply through the expressions they give you. However, they never say anything about it directly to your face.
To sum up my point: As you grow older, people will continue to make fun of others. The only difference is, instead of being sure that you have heard their rude remarks, they make sure that everyone except you hears them. I have always thought that this is even worse, because when people take this action, it only leaves you clueless. You can no longer pick your battles, or simply seperate who likes you from who doesn't. When you are made fun of to your face, it makes things more simple. The only reason is this: you know what people think about you, straight-forward, and you can then choose your heros and your enemies.
* * * *
You begin walking to your locker before your first class. When you come closer, you see that a friend (Also, a boy of the crowd that tortures you continuosly.) of yours is waiting for someone right by your locker. Knowing that this is out of the ordinary, you approach slowly, wondering who he could be waiting for. You smile, for he now stands next to you, and politely says, "Hi. What's up?" You calmly respond, "Not much, how about you?" But the next words out of his mouth have not a thing to do with your calm and collected response. "May I have a hug?" This is a phrase you get asked often, but coming from someone like him? It couldn't be. However, being your usual self, you reply with a smile and a quick, but sweet, hug. You then say goodbye, and rush to your first class.
Your following weeks are normal. But then something odd happens. You walk into your second period class, and an old friend of yours asks if you're going out with the boy who you hugged a few weeks back. Your mind begins to wander. Had your simple, common gesture of a friendly hug been turned into this outragous rumor? You know that, chances are, the answer is yes. In fact, this happens quite often. It is only because of your appearence that they choose to taunt you about anything. You are familiar enough with their actions to know that this was just a huge set-up. Whether it be your clothes, or your way of thinking they tease about, they will still tease. Even if they have to make something up, like in this instance, they will continue to tease you in every way possible. You made one small move, and they made a rumor of it. You know that you had better keep yourself under control, and get used to this. Because, for as long as you live, the whole vicious circle of middle school will continue.
*Foot Note: Being made fun of, taunted, being hateful towards someone because of appearence.
**Another Foot Note: My parents encouraged me to dress whatever way I wanted when I was as young as a toddler. I made up my own styles with their encouragment, not that I'm blaming any of this on them. I don't really blame anyone. No, I lied. I do blame someone, or something for that matter. I blame today's society. Oh yeah! And the media. I blame the media, also.
***The Final Foot Note: My parents had always told me that things would be the same all through middle school and high school, because a lot of people wouldn't ever grow out of making fun of other people. I have begun to realize that the teasing will go on, but a teenager's approach to it will continue to change.
Here is a little something to go with this one:
http://www.faulkingtruth.com/Articles/Words/1045.html
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