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Commentary Too - Jul 6, 2004 - Printable Version
- Talking To God
by Mark Faulk
Russell walked past the front door for the fifth time, and kept on walking. For some reason, he couldn't force himself to go in. Something wasn't right, as if he was somehow walking into some life-altering situation. He had a brief moment of doubt, and it sent his mind back twenty years. For some strange reason he found himself thinking about the day he got married. He spoke aloud, to no one in particular. "What the hell is wrong with me?" It was as he was talking to himself (or so he thought), that a voice, seemingly out of nowhere, answered him. "Russell?"
'Who is that?"
"Russell, nothing is wrong with you."
"Who is that? Show your face." Russell peered into the darkness.
"I'm not out there, I'm in here."
"What, what do you mean, in here?"
"It's me, God. Remember me?"
"Yeah, right. Who is this really? Show yourself."
Suddenly, Russell felt something deep inside him stirring, something he had tried to ignore for years, just as he had kept so many emotions hidden inside for what seemed like forever.
"God? Is that really you?"
"Yes, Russell, it's me. It's been awhile since we talked. I missed you."
"And I you. What is wrong with me, God, why can't I pass through this door? I've been inside there a hundred times, why is this time any different?"
"Russell, there's something I need to tell you before you go in there. I know it's against the rules, but I like you. I'm going to give you a chance to prepare yourself. Russell, there's a girl waiting for you in there."
"A girl? What do you mean, 'there's a girl waiting for me in there'?"
"Remember how twenty years ago, you had that brief moment of doubt just before you got married, that split-second where you weren't sure if the person that you were marrying was your soulmate?"
"Yes, I - I do."
"Well, guess what? That was me talking to you, and you should have listened. That little voice was right, the girl you married isn't your soulmate."
"What? What the hell are you talking about? I should have listened? What do you mean, I should have listened? It's not like you jumped up and down, or manifested some kind of burning bush or apparition to let me know it was you. It was a little voice in the back of my head, I just ignored it."
"Yelling isn't really my style, ever since the Old Testament, I figured you people had been around long enough to take a hint. Apparently, I was wrong."
"Wrong? You're trying to tell me that I spent over half my life with the wrong person, and now that I can't back out without ruining my life and a couple of dozen others in the process, you're setting me up on a blind date?"
"She's not a blind date, she's your soulmate."
"If she's my soulmate, then who's the woman I've been sleeping with for the past twenty years?"
"That's your wife, and by the way, you've been sleeping with her for twenty-two years, you've been married for twenty years, but we'll discuss that little sin when the time comes. And I didn't say that you spent half your life with the wrong person, I said that she wasn't your soulmate."
Russell, incredulously, "She's not my soulmate? What do you mean, she's not my soulmate? What about 'till death do us part' and all that crap?"
"Oh yeah, that. Well, nobody's perfect." God chuckled under his breath. "Get it, nobody's perfect?"
"This isn't funny. What in the hell do you want me to do with this bit of information? I'm doing fine here, my mortgage is paid off, work is good, the kids are pretty much out of the house. I'm finished with the hard part. I was ready for the peace and quiet and grow old in comfort part. And now, you tell me I've got a freaking soulmate somewhere out there?"
"Not somewhere out there. Right inside that door."
"Inside that door? Does she know?"
"Not yet, but she will the second she sees you."
"I'm not going in."
"Yes, you are. You have no choice, it's predetermined."
"Then I'll ignore her."
"Nope. You'll try to ignore her, but your eyes will meet, and, as they say, the rest is history."
"The rest is history? If you're so all-knowing, which by the way I'm having serious doubts about at the moment, then how does this thing play out? Do I screw up my entire life, or is there some way I can "have my cake and eat it too", so to speak?"
"You know, I really wish I could tell you that, I really do. Unfortunately, it's against our policy. The whole space/time continuum thing, you know."
"Great. Well, can you at least tell me what she looks like? Is she hot? And how old is she?"
"Hot? Oh, you mean is she beautiful? She is the most radiant beauty you have ever met. And the age thing? That could be a bit of a problem. She's, uh, she's twenty. But she'll be twenty-one in a few weeks."
"Twenty? Oh my God! Sorry, no offense intended."
"None taken."
"But twenty? She's young enough to be my..... well, she's a lot younger than I am. How can that be? And why should she be interested in me? This is getting shakier by the minute."
"That's the beauty of having a soulmate. You never know where you're going to find her, or who she's going to be. And as far as why she would be interested in you, let's just say that God works in mysterious ways, and leave it at that."
"And what about the physical thing, you know, will there be passion and all that?"
"She wouldn't be your soulmate if there wasn't passion. I do have to warn you about one thing, though, don't confuse passion and the "physical thing", as you so delicately put it. By the way, passion is one of my greatest achievements, and incredibly under appreciated, if you ask me."
"Yeah, I've missed that one a lot lately. After twenty some-odd years, it's hard to keep the old fires burning, if you get my drift. I always thought that was just part of the deal. You know, you gain some things over time in a relationship, and give up other things."
"You mean, like passion."
"Like passion."
"Not with your soulmate. Plus, I never said that you have to marry your soulmate. Some soulmates make great soulmates, but lousy wives and husbands."
"What? What the hell are you rambling about now? Are you telling me that a person's wife and their soulmate aren't necessarily the same person?"
"Exactly. In marriage, you're looking for certain things. A good companion, for instance, a good mother to your children, someone who cares for you deeply, and you for them. A soulmate is just that, a soulmate. Someone who you can't live without, who inspires you, who connects with you in a way that makes the entire sky light up like the Fourth of July. By the way, good job on that one. I've always been proud of America for coming up with the whole Independence Day Celebration thing. It's very - patriotic. I like that."
"So you're saying I should just take my soulmate home and introduce her to my family. 'Honey, this is.....' What is her name, anyway?"
"You'll find out soon enough. And no, I'm not saying that you should take her home with you, you're just being facetious now. These are two separate things, two entirely different relationships. You get some things out of your marriage, and others from your soulmate. You just have to figure out how to reconcile the two with each other in your own mind."
"Reconcile the two? What about guilt? What about cheating on my wife? By the way, is my soulmate married?'
"No, she's just 'shacking up'. I believe that's how she'll explain it to you. But she will be married someday, just not to you. See how this works? She'll make a great wife to someone else, but she's your soulmate. And as far as guilt, you don't have to feel guilty, because the two of you aren't taking anything away from each other's companions, and in some ways, you're doing them both a favor. You fullfill the passion thing in her, and she does the same for you. She'll make you happier, and you'll make her feel wanted and loved in ways her boyfriend never could. Therefore, they both get better, happier companions, and they don't have to put in all the effort to achieve it. The problem is one of perception. If your wife finds out about your soulmate, and if your soulmate's boyfriend finds out about you, they will naturally feel threatened. Therefore, in order to not hurt their feelings, you most likely won't tell them about any of this. And that's where the whole guilt thing comes in. It's the deception that makes you feel guilty. So, yes guilt will definitely play a big part in this, but it's just something you'll both have to deal with, you know, the whole Adam and Eve and the apple scenario. And who said anything about cheating on your wife? I mean, you probably will, but that's not why I'm setting you up with your soulmate."
"But you said that there would be passion, Fourth of July fireworks and all that. And what do you mean, 'probably will'?"
"As far as the 'probably will' part, that's mostly a human nature thing. You guys equate everything to sex. A little unsolicited advice here: if you're going to do the sex thing, just do it and get it over with, instead of ruining it by wallowing in guilt and self-doubt for an eternity first. That just takes all the fun out of it. I'm not saying it's okay, I'm just saying that you'll feel guilty anyway, so you might as well get something out of it. That's the whole point of guilt. And you'll notice I said 'if', not when. Remember this, I did say that meeting your soulmate was predetermined, but what happens afterwards is pretty much up to you two.
And the passion? It will be there, and gloriously so, but as I said earlier, passion and sex are two entirely different things. You feel passion, you have sex. See? Two different things. You can be five feet away from someone, and the room will fill with electricity from the passion that flows between you, and you can have sex with someone, you physically inside of them, and, nothing. That's where you humans get really confused. You feel passion, and instead of just letting it flow through you, you have to screw it up by having sex. That's that human nature thing I was talking about. Sometimes pure passion for the sake of passion can be the greatest emotion you will ever experience, and be a lot more fullfilling than physical sex ever could. Whoo, I should really get someone to write that one down. That's good, like, biblical good."
"So what you're saying is that once we work through all the details, you know, the sex or no sex part, the whole guilt/deception thing, and the passion vs. marriage scenario, that we could actually still be each other's soulmates and not hurt everyone we know?"
"First of all, you are each other's soulmates, regardless of what you do with that knowledge. And, in answer to your question, yes, it's possible that you could fullfill your destinies as each other's soulmates and not make a total shambles of your lives, although the odds are stacked against you. But if she's your soulmate, then isn't she worth the effort?"
"Yes, I guess she is."
"Are you ready to meet her?"
"My life is getting ready to change, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. Once you pass through that door, there's no turning back. I believe the thought that went through your head earlier was "life-altering". Your life is definitely going to be more complicated, but you'll feel more alive than you ever have. Can you deal with that?'
"Yes, I think I can."
"Then let's go."
"Let's go? You're going with me?"
"I'm always with you, even when you ignore me."
"Thanks, I need all the help I can get with this one."
And with those final words, Russell took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked inside.
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