George Bush Declares George Bush the Winner

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`Commentary` - Sep 30, 2004 - `Printable Version`
- George Bush Declares George Bush the Winner
by Mark Faulk

    There was a defining moment in the Presidential Debate tonight, unfortunately, it didn't happen until an hour after the debate ended. Here's the process: first the candidates debate for ninety minutes (I'll call that the Pre-Debate), than the real "Debate" begins. That's when the spinmeisters, talk show hosts, campaign officials, and yes, even the "little guys" like me spin into action. I use the verb "spin" because that's all it is, hundreds, hell, thousands of people who already knew which candidate won the debate before it even started, trying to tell America which candidate won the debate after it's ended.

    This is the ultimate insult to the American Voter: you watched the debate (or as they would like you to believe, the "Pre-Debate"), but you're not intelligent enough to to decide which candidate "won" it. Here's my answer to that: YES, WE ARE! We watched the same two candidates answer the same questions as the "experts" did, and we don't need you to tell us who WE liked better. Personally, I thought that Kerry kicked Bush's redneck ass all the way back to Crawford, Texas, but then, I was a Kerry/Edwards supporter before the debate. No big surprise there. But, this is the Faulking Truth: don't take my word for it. Do what my wife did tonight: watch the two candidates answer the questions, decide for yourself, turn off the TV, get up off the couch, and go to bed.

    Don't listen to the gaggle of idiots spouting off about "their candidate", it will just confuse you, and if they confuse you, then they've done their job. I've become a campaign junkie, so I made the mistake of clutching the remote and surfing from channel to channel to listen to the "Aftermath". I listened attentively for awhile, let's see: everyone on FOX said that Bush won, NBC had Kerry the decisive winner, blah, blah, blah, and so on and so on, the polls said this, the pundits said that, etc.etc.etc, andonandonandonandonandon......

    Then, I experienced the oddest sensation, I didn't recognize it at first, but then it slowly dawned on me: I didn't faulking care what any of those idiots said, I knew who I thought won the debate, AND IN THE END, I'M THE ONE WHO WILL ENTER THE VOTING BOOTH AND PULL THE LEVER (or hang the chad, fondle the touchscreen, or whatthefaulkever it is we do in my state). That's right, I was a victim of election burnout. I was stricken with a severe case of campaign overload.

    And the defining moment when I realized that the Aftermath was a big stupid, pointless dung heap of inane drivel? First, I noticed that all I had to do was look at the "R" or the "D" below each name as the spinmeisters were interviewed, and I could simply mute the TV and fill in my own words. "R" says that "Kerry flipflopped again, blah, blah, blah", while "D" says that "Bush didn't even acknowledge that there is a war in Iraq, yadda, yadda, yadda". I was already beginning to feel lightheaded, and more than a bit nauseous, when......it happened. The media officially ran out of people to interview. On CNN, Larry King was making the rounds, interviewing the experts, and without even a disclaimer or some kind of verbal warning signal, he was asking some guy "Who do you think won the debate tonight?". Who was the unbiased person who was helping me make up my mind about our country's future? George P. Bush, the nephew of George W. Bush, the grandson of George H.W. Bush.

    That was the final straw (poll). I did what my wife did hours earlier, and what I should have done the second the debate ended. I turned off the TV, got up off the couch, and went to bed. It felt good. One of the emails I received after the debate summed it up best (thanks for the words of wisdom in a sea of madness, Ellen): "There are dozens and dozens of comparisons that are out there in the public. Just don't listen to all the gobbledygook. Check out facts for yourself. Trust your instinct. THEN listen to your inner self."

And that, fellow voters, is the Faulking Truth.

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Commentary - Sep 30, 2004 - Printable Version- George Bush Declares George Bush the Winner by Mark Faulk

`Commentary` - Sep 30, 2004 - `Printable Version`
- George Bush Declares George Bush the Winner
by Mark Faulk