I had the privilege of witnessing an exchange between two students earlier this week, and I must admit, it has got me thinking. My students were discussing the relative merits of penalties for violating a treaty with the idea of rewards for doing what was expected. One of my students made the statement, seemingly strange to me at the time, that there was absolutely no benefit to penalties, because they would not encourage positive behavior. I thought, wait, why would people do the right thing if there were no negative consequences? Even if there is a reward, there are times when a reward won’t work, right? Then, I started thinking about it, and I realized what a brilliant strategy that is. So, I’ve decided to suggest the following scenario for dealing with crime in this nation, and everyone will almost certainly love it. The right will love it, because they can prove once and for all that it doesn’t do to utilize the carrot in our regulatory structure; the left will like it because it will solve the problem of poverty once and for all.
My idea is this: we stop locking people up for the crimes they commit. Instead, we pay those people who haven’t committed crimes for not committing them! It’s simple, it’s brilliant, and I just know it will work. We’ll open the jails and let out the people locked up there, because it does no good to penalize them, as I’ve come to accept upon reflection. We’ll let them all out, from jaywalkers to drug users to corporate raiders, all the way up to serial killers. That’s right, Charles Manson will finally get his release. Then, everyone in the country will be evaluated to see what crimes they have on their record, and for every crime they have not committed, they will receive a check.
For those who haven’t murdered anyone, we would, of course, have a rather large check (sorry, Charlie, this one is out for you, but maybe you’ll do better on the DUI and the littering laws). If you haven’t ever jaywalked, the check would be a bit…well, quite a bit…smaller, because the crime is less severe, but since the vast majority of non-jaywalkers are also non-murderers, it will accumulate, and their check will be a bit larger. For those of us who haven’t knocked over any convenience stores, stalked anyone, embezzled, or committed perjury, we might be able to expect a rather large check. For those who have committed hundreds of small crimes but none that are truly large, they might get a nice chunk, as well, but a bit smaller, unfortunately. That will encourage them not to commit any of those petty crimes again, of course. And for those, like Mr. Manson, who have committed some rather large (OK, really large) crimes, but might have a clear record on thousands of tiny offenses, their check will still manage to accumulate up to a living wage. The overall smallness of their check comparatively, however, will convince them that their earlier murderous ways were wrongheaded and they will mend their ways. I’m sure you’ll find they’ll never murder anyone again.
Just think about it. This could solve several problems at once. Not only would it almost surely do away with all crime forever, it would solve the problem of prison overcrowding, and also win the war against poverty. After all, with the thousands of laws on the books at every level of government, most of us are sure to have an impressive resume of crimes we haven’t committed, and a decent size check in our mailbox every month that we continue to refrain from committing those crimes. For those of us with no crimes on our record at all…well, let’s just say, I’m looking forward to not having to work anymore. I’ll finally be able to take that vacation to Alaska I’ve been dreaming of…and lots of other things besides. I’m definitely pumped, and I’ve abandoned any possible plans I might have had for lawbreaking in my later years. Penalties? Pshaw. I ain’t ‘fraid a no penalties…those are useless as a tool for changing behavior. Not me; I’m waiting for the substantial rewards to pile up, giving me money and goodies for doing the things I should really be doing just because I’m a decent, moral person, but can’t see my way clear to do unless someone gives me money.
This is the life! Sitting around with nothing I have to do all day except not commit crimes…most, if not all, of which I wasn’t going to commit anyway, but, hey, I’ll take the reward. After all, if I don’t get a reward just because I wasn’t planning to commit any crimes, it wouldn’t be fair, and the injustice of paying only those who might have committed crimes without a reward will probably drive me to a life of crime. So, we’ll have to pay everyone.
Of course, that won’t be a problem, because our tax base can easily cover such a payout, once there is no more need for prisons or military adventures (we just pay our enemies not to attack us, and all’s good). Oops, I think I see a bit of a glitch here. After all, these folks who think there should be no stick, no penalties, also don’t think there should be any taxes. How will we possibly meet the payroll each month, if we implement this no-tax, no-penalty, all reward Utopia? I know! We’ll invest! If that doesn’t work, we can just set up a pyramid scheme…oops, that one’s against the law. We’ll have to give up a bit of our income if we do that. Well, it won’t matter. We’ll probably get enough from not murdering to let a bit of the pelf go for a good cause.
You know, I just realized something. All those people who are advocating that penalties don’t work…they’re not talking about criminals, are they? No, they’re only talking about corporations! Silly me. How could I have been so dense as to think that a statement such as “penalties never work” really meant that they NEVER work? That would be, like, consistent…or something. We can’t have that. We can’t have logic and reason applying whereby a “universal truth” is truly universal. Tough on criminals, easy on corporate malfeasance. Reward corporations for doing the right thing, and they’ll do it; put criminals in jail, because they need to be punished. I’ve got it, I understand totally. Yes, I understand now. It’s just like Texas.
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Blogfest 2005 Archives:
Keep on Blogging in The Free World (Mark Faulk, Sep 21, 2004)
"It's the Issues, Stupid" (Mark Faulk, Sep 21, 2004)
The Trust Factor......mmmmmm, donuts (Mark Faulk, Sep 30, 2004)
The Vice-Presidential Debate Primer (Mark Faulk, Oct 5, 2004)
Is Bush a girly-man? (Mark Faulk, Oct 7, 2004)
Kids! Time to come in and get dressed for war (Mark Faulk, Nov 1, 2004)
"I Think We're all Bozos on this Bus" and "Dude, Where's My Bong?" (Mark Faulk, Nov 5, 2004)
"We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!" and "The Ministry of Truth Strikes Again" (Mark Faulk, Nov 9, 2004)
Vacation....Had to get away (Mark Faulk, Nov 11, 2004)
A 'Tribute' to Steve Martin (Mark Faulk, Nov 14, 2004)
How Long Can You Tread Water? (Mark Faulk, Nov 17, 2004)
"Give the People What They Want" (Mark Faulk, Nov 22, 2004)
Home on the Range..... (Mark Faulk, Nov 27, 2004)
Coping With Loss: How to Deal With the 2004 Election (Mark Faulk, Dec 7, 2004)
Peace Kills (Mark Faulk, Dec 21, 2004)
A Tale of Two Psychos (Mark Faulk, Dec 27, 2004)
Hurtling Headlong Through the Blogosphere (Mark Faulk, Jan 4, 2005)
The Faulking Truth Gone Wild (Mark Faulk, Jan 6, 2005)
Palestinians Elect Abba by Wide Margin (Mark Faulk, Jan 9, 2005)
"Look everybody, we've found WMDRPAs!" and "Supporting the Inauguration Day Boycott.....Sort of" (Mark Faulk, Jan 12, 2005)
Confessions of.....a Christian (Mark Faulk, Jan 18, 2005)
Seven Degrees of George W. Bush (Mark Faulk, Jan 20, 2005)
Dear IRS...... (Mark Faulk, Jan 25, 2005)
What Democracy Means to Me (Johnny Carson, Feb 5, 2005)
"I love you...no, really, I do...." and "Have a Crappy... I Mean... Happy Valentine's Day" (Mark Faulk and Kelsey Renee Faulk, Feb 14, 2005)
"THE END OF BLOCKBUSTER!" (Mark Faulk, Feb 19, 2005)
The Poor get Poorer..... (Mark Faulk, Mar 8, 2005)
Refinancing your home the 'hard' way..... (Mark Faulk, Mar 19, 2005)
A Fall From Grace - How Bush is Alienating Mainstream America (Mark Faulk, Mar 26, 2005)
I'm not schizophrenic....and neither am I (Mark Faulk, Mar 31, 2005)
Pope Dies of old Age (Mark Faulk, Apr 4, 2005)
America to Dateline: Tell the Truth Now! (Mark Faulk, Apr 7, 2005)
How I Spent my Weekend (Russell Tharp, Apr 18, 2005)
How Many Lesbians Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb? (Mark Faulk, Apr 27, 2005)
Four Dead in Ohio (Mark Faulk, May 4, 2005)
Some Mother's Son (Mark Faulk, May 8, 2005)
"lalalalalalalala.....I can't hear you!" (Mark Faulk, May 22, 2005)
The Man on the Crane (Mark Faulk, May 28, 2005)
NOW Do You Feel Secure on the Internet? (Mark Faulk, Jun 1, 2005)
Taking the Faulking Truth to the Airwaves (Mark Faulk, Jun 17, 2005)
Wall Street: Destroying the Evidence (Mark Faulk, Jun 21, 2005)
And now....Page two (Mark Faulk, Jul 1, 2005)
Help Wanted- President Seeks New Brain (Mark Faulk, Jul 11, 2005)
Bush Picks "French Fry Judge" for Supreme Court (Mark Faulk, Jul 19, 2005)
Praying for a Miracle (Mark Faulk, Jul 23, 2005)
Send in the Clowns (Mark Faulk, Jul 28, 2005)
"What's Wrong With This Picture?" or "Gas Prices Set Record High.....Win A Free Hummer!" (Mark Faulk, Aug 15, 2005)
Pat Robertson's Case for the Assassination of President Bush.....I mean, Hugo Chavez (Mark Faulk, Aug 23, 2005)
The Faulking Truth...in (Black) and (White) (Mark Faulk, Aug 25, 2005)
They're Trying to Wash Us Away.... (Mark Faulk, Aug 31, 2005)
"Not Acceptable" (Mark Faulk, Sep 2, 2005)
And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch (Laughter.) (Mark Faulk, Sep 6, 2005)
Who Says FEMA Can't Relate to Blacks, Yo? (Mark Faulk, Sep 15, 2005)
Faulking Truth to Senator Shelby: PUT THE DAMN FIRE OUT! (Mark Faulk, Sep 21, 2005)
George Talks to God..... (Mark Faulk, Oct 8, 2005)
For the Greater Good..... (Mark Faulk, Oct 27, 2005)
Coalition....What Coalition? (Mark Faulk, Nov 21, 2005)
Confessions of a White Gentile (Mark Faulk, Dec 4, 2005)
The World Just Got A Little Less Funny (Mark Faulk, Dec 10, 2005)
MySpace is the Devil (Mark Faulk, Dec 18, 2005)
Desecrating Christmas (Mark Faulk, Dec 29, 2005)
Srecna Nova Godina....od tim Faulking Truth (Mark Faulk, Jan 1, 2006)
On Kurt Vonnegut..... (Mark Faulk, Jan 8, 2006)
Taking it to the Streets (Mark Faulk, Jan 14, 2006)
Desecrating History (Mike Bohling, Feb 4, 2006)
Congress Uses "C Word" (Mark Faulk, Mar 13, 2006)
Conspiracy....or Conspiracy Nuts? (Mark Faulk, Mar 18, 2006)
Roddy Boyd: Choosing up Sides (Mark Faulk, Mar 28, 2006)
Emotional Casualties of War (Mark Faulk, Apr 28, 2006)
It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead. (Mark Faulk, May 10, 2006)
MySpace is the Devil (Redux) (Mark Faulk, May 23, 2006)
Confessions of Part Time Hit Man (Mark Faulk, Jun 5, 2006)
“The Anatomy of a Rumor” or “I’ll Take the Kool-aid” (Mark Faulk, Jun 17, 2006)
"ALL INVESTORS ARE EQUAL, BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS" – SEC eliminates integrity in the stock market (Mark Faulk, Jul 6, 2006)
Everybody's a dreamer and everybody's a star (Mark Faulk, Jul 24, 2006)
It Wasn't the Planes that Killed King Kong.... (Mark Faulk, Aug 4, 2006)
Forget the Mideast, it’s the Midwest uprising Bush should worry about (Mark Faulk, Aug 28, 2006)
Blame it on the Full Moon (Mark Faulk, Oct 8, 2006)
How Low Can They Go? (Mark Faulk, Nov 2, 2006)
Truth in the Booth...Live on CFRN on Nov. 17th (Mark Faulk, Nov 16, 2006)
Life WIth Father (Mark Faulk, Dec 15, 2006)
Thinking Voyager 2 Type Things (Mark Faulk, Jan 16, 2007)
so simple in the moonlight.... (Mark Faulk, Feb 20, 2007)
Promises, Promises….Take a Letter!!! (Mark Faulk, March Mar 19, 2007)
CMKX The Train of Truth (Mark Faulk, April 10, 2007 )
Gonzo Radio....or.....when all else fails, blog it!!!! (Mark Faulk, June 16, 2007)
Observations on the Way Home (Mark Faulk, August 5, 2007)
The Idiot’s Guide to the Electoral Process (Mark Faulk, Feb 8, 2008)
MAPS for Millionaires or “Daddy, buy me an arena” (Mark Faulk, Feb 29, 2008)
Dear Hillary: When the race is over, it's over.... (Mark Faulk, Mar 10, 2008)
“We come for your children” – The Truth About the Gay Agenda (Mark Faulk, May 2, 2008)
Savior Hillary (Mark Faulk, May 20, 2008)
This is me in fragments...enter at your own risk (Mark Faulk, Jun 30, 2008)
Silver State Bank: What’s Deposited in Vegas Doesn’t Stay in Vegas (Mark Faulk, Jul 30, 2008)
John McSame’s Campaign to Nowhere (Mark Faulk, Sep 12, 2008)
Change has come to America (Mark Faulk, Nov 5, 2008)
Hemp, a Self Sustaining Answer to a Troubled Nation (Kevin M. West, Mar 19, 2009)
The Other Casualties of War (Mark Faulk, May 25, 2009)
Michael Vick Returns to Dogfighting (Katie Lauren, Aug 20, 2009)
I'm on a Plane (Mark Faulk, Sept. 30, 2009)
And so this is Christmas.... (Mark Faulk, Dec 15, 2009)
Whan Picasso Painted the Sixteenth Chapel (Mark Faulk, May 29, 2010)
The Devolution of Man (Robin Buckallew, Jul 31, 2010)
Don't Blame Darwin (Robin Buckallew, Oct 19, 2010)
Tea with Mussolini ( I. K. N’Klast, Nov 3, 2010)
So Throw Money at it Anyway** (I. K. N’Klast, Nov 23, 2010)
America in the Crosshairs - Rep. Gabrielle Giffords Shot, Six others killed (Mark Faulk, Jan 8, 2011)
Leanin' on my Shovel (Robin Buckallew, May 1, 2011)
How to Save Our Schools (Dorritt, May 28, 2011)
Not For Sale (Dorrit, Jul 30, 2011)
Morning in America (A short story) (Robin Buckallew, Aug 13, 2011)
Carrot or Stick? (Dorrit, Feb 13, 2012)
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