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Editor's Corner - Jun 11, 2005 - Printable Version
- The Really, Really, Really Late Faulking Truth Update
or...I Wish the Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me
by Mark Faulk
First of all, I'd like to apologize to each and every one of you for not sending out an update this millennium. Here goes: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.....oh, what the hell, take one and pass it on. I'd also like to apologize to George Carlin for stealing his joke....sorry, George (love ya, dude). Since my last update, we've posted 19 new articles, the Chairman of the SEC resigned, our message board crashed along with all of our messages (and was later fixed), America crowned a new American Idol (and still hasn't convicted the Prince of Pop), and the country continues to lean so far right that we are in danger of throwing off the Earth's gravitational pull. Oh.....and some guy threatened to "beat me to a bloody pulp" (twice). I told you the real world was hassling me.
On that note......here's today's update (I'll keep it brief so everyone can go fishing/swimming/partying/sunbathing or whatever it is you do on the weekend).
"American Idle", By Robin Buckallew:
"The United States of America contains 4.75% of the world's people. In spite of this, we consume 25% of the world's fossil fuel energy. We consume 25% of the world's resources in food, clothing and all other perishable and durable items. We produce 50% of the world's garbage." (Need I say more?)
"Top of the Heap (And other misconceptions about Man’s place in the World)", By Mike Bohling: "If you look at Money in the context that it is it’s own entity and that it has it’s own will, it becomes very clear who is Lord and Master and who is the subservient player in this game. For the sake of continuity, lets give this entity a name and call him Moolah." (And THAT'S the Faulking Truth)
"The Big Chill", By Down the Middle:
"Most everyone, at one time or another, feels a little down over his or hers own particular life circumstances, but there are a few that battle against the crushing weight of depression every day of their lives." (Send this one to someone you know who is dealing with depression...they are not alone.)
"Winning the War on Drugs.....One Cancer Patient at a Time", By Mark Faulk
"The Supreme Court has chosen once again to trample on the rights of the ten states where this medication is legally available by prescription, and on the rights of cancer patients, glaucoma patients, multiple sclerosis patients, HIV patients, and a host of others who could benefit from taking it." (Caution: Do not smoke marijuana before reading this article, or while operating heavy machinery.)
"Stockgate: Donaldson out......Cox in", By Mark Faulk
"As the head of the governing body of the stock market, had Chairman Donaldson taken a strong stand on the issue of naked short selling early on, we wouldn't be where we are now....so deeply entrenched in the scandal that it's nearly impossible to correct it without major damage to the stock market itself." (Enough said, but I keep talking anyway.)
"It's All Happening at the Zoo", By Robin Buckellew
"Have you ever noticed how, when Oklahoma makes the national news, you can be sure it will be either embarrassing or tragic? When we elected Tom Coburn to the United States Senate in November, I began in earnest to practice my best embarrassed face, and I've found several occasions since he began his term to put it to use." (Hey! That's my state you're talking about....he said, with an embarrassed look on his face.)
"NOW Do You Feel Secure on the Internet?", By Mark Faulk
"If it's this easy to hack into the EZBoard system and corrupt the entire program, how secure do you feel about the millions of websites that ask for your credit card numbers every day, our electronic voting system, and the trading of billions and billions of stock market shares over the internet every day?" (Here's how it works.....we sign up for a message board system, then when it crashes, we write an uncomplimentary article about them. Fun, huh?)
Some other mind-expanding articles you might have missed (look for them at the bottom of the homepage or in or archives):
"Better Get Another Camel…This One’s Got a Broken Back" (By Jeff Buckley)
"Stockgate: Turning up the Heat" (By Mark Faulk)
"Tink is Dead" (By Robin Buckallew)
"Lonesome Lake" (By Mike Spains)
"An Ugly Wind" (By Robin Buckallew)
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.....I watched American Idol" (By Mark Faulk)
"lalalalalalalala.....I can't hear you!" (By Mark Faulk)
And don't forget Ken Shade's Quote of the Day (unless you want to continue to be woefully uninformed), check the blog for the occasional random ramblings, and post in our Guestbook and the newly-restored message board. (C'mon, sharing your feelings is fun AND therapeutic.)
I'll close this time with a few lines from our "Words" selection, Ray Davies "Loony Balloon", another 20 year-old song that resonates just as clearly today:
We're out of control on this looney balloon
Narrowly missing the planets and stars.
Even optimists say that it's all gloom and doom.
We've got to get somewhere or hit something soon.
First class and economy, we all played the game
For selfish profit and gain.
So together we'll all go insane on this looney balloon....
Until the next time, please don't go insane.....we need every faulking one of you to help us change the world. Here we go.....everybody lean left, on three.....
One, two, three......GO!
Voice your opinion on our message board (you don't have to sign up to post).