Mama was the one who reached down and tied my shoelace.
Mama spit on her fingers and used it to clean dirt off my face.
Brush your teeth, Q-tip your ear,
take off your sister's new brassiere.
Watch PBS, not Deputy Dawg,
don't you eat that Lincoln Log.
Oh mama I still don't believe
it's true: The tooth fairy was you.
No Way!
I love you maaaaaama,
more than than paaaastrama,
way more than Jeffrey Daaaahma,
even more than my NFL paaaaajamas.
Mama always calmed down dad when he got too mean.
Like the time he almost hit me for stealing his Juggs magazine.
Stop your jumping,
you'll break the bed.
Don't you fill up
on the bread.
Take those
Take those
(trying to read cue card)
Take ... carrots out of your nose,
that's not a hat that's pantyhose.
Don't play baseball in your suit,
that Magnum PI's very cute.
Don't forget Vick's Vapor-rub,
stop masturbating in the tub.
Thanks for making corn beef hash,
and putting powder on my rash.
(So much better.)
I love you maaaaaama,
more than golf with Arnold Paaaaalmaaaa,
more than yellow moons in Lucky Chaaaaamaaaas,
Def Leppard's drummer only had one aaaaaaamaaa.
Oh, Mrs. Nealon, yes it's true,
Kevin's gonna sing to you.
Come on Kevin.
I love you maaaaaama
Come on, keep goin'.
More than films by Brian DePaaaaalmaaaa.
Thanks for being my date to the praaaaamaaaa.
Thanks for writing that note to the draft
board that said I was gay so I got out
of Vietnaaaamaaa.
I love you even more than Richard Gere loves the Dali Laaaaahmaaa.
And Richard Gere was also good in "Sommersby",
which was a melodraaaamaa.
Oh, all you moms out there oughta know,
we kids love you so.
Have a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you very much!
Thank you!
Adam Saaaandlaaa.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE FAULKING TRUTH MOMS!
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Editor's Corner Archives:
The Faulking Truth - Page One (Mark Faulk, Apr 2, 2004)
Over 1,600 Sold Worldwide (and Counting) (Mark Faulk, Apr 16, 2004)
The Winds of Change (Mark Faulk, May 18, 2004)
June, I'm home! (Mark Faulk, Jun 4, 2004)
The Unfunny, Uninteresting, and Unedited Update of "The Faulking Truth" (Mark Faulk, Jun 24, 2004)
How I Spent My Summer Vacation (Mark Faulk, Jul 19, 2004)
John John For President? (Mark Faulk, Jul 25, 2004)
The Dog Days of August (Mark Faulk, Aug 7, 2004)
Not-So-Swift Boat (Mark Faulk, Aug 23, 2004)
Repeat After Me: "Anyone But Bush" (Mark Faulk, Sep 6, 2004)
Kerry: The UnBush (Mark Faulk, Sep 18, 2004)
Counting Our Blessings (and our "Freedoms" and Liberties" too) (Mark Faulk, Sep 29, 2004)
Working Hard....Because.....It's Hard Work (Mark Faulk, Oct 6, 2004)
Heads I win, Tails you lose (Mark Faulk, Oct 17, 2004)
A Vote and a Prayer (Mark Faulk, Nov 1, 2004)
"I only have escaped alone to tell thee...." (Mark Faulk, Nov 9, 2004)
Finally! Another Faulking Update (Mark Faulk, Dec 2, 2004)
Say the Word I'm Thinking Of (Mark Faulk, Dec 19, 2004)
Happy Faulking New Year!!! (Mark Faulk, Jan 3, 2005)
We're Having a Party! (Mark Faulk, Jan 12, 2005)
Ducets From Heaven (Mark Faulk, Feb 13, 2005)
A Blockbuster Article....or Self-Indulgent Whining? (Mark Faulk, Feb 20, 2005)
Look at Me, I'm Flying! (Mark Faulk, Feb 28, 2005)
All We Are Saying...... (Mark Faulk, Mar 13, 2005)
The Neurotic, Psychotic, Compulsive, Paranoid, Faulking Truth Update (Mark Faulk, Mar 27, 2005)
The Short and Sweet Faulking Truth Update (Mark Faulk, Apr 9, 2005)
The Perfect Faulking Update (Mark Faulk, Apr 27, 2005)
A Mother's Day Song (Adam Sandler, May 8, 2005)
If Hits Were Ducats...... (Mark Faulk, May 16, 2005)
The Really, Really, Really Late Faulking Truth Update or...I Wish the Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me (Mark Faulk, Jun 11, 2005)
And Now for Something Completely Different..... (Mark Faulk, Jul 2, 2005)
In Cyberspace, everyone can hear you scream.... (Mark Faulk, Jul 23, 2005)
North to Alaska..... (Mark Faulk, Jul 30, 2005)
National Preparedness Month (Mark Faulk, Sep 5, 2005)
You're the reason God made the Faulking Truth (Mark Faulk, Nov 4, 2005)
Skies of Green and Fields of Blue (Mark Faulk, Nov 26, 2005)
Sending out an SOS..... (Mark Faulk, Dec 15, 2005)
CRFN Radio Interview (Friday, Dec. 30, 2005) at 9:30 AM (Mark Faulk, Dec 29, 2005)
CRFN Radio Interview: Naked Bull or Cash Cow? (Mark Faulk, Jan 12, 2006)
CRFN Radio Interview: Daytrading America (Mark Faulk, Jan 19, 2006)
Overstock.com to Promote “The Naked Truth”.....Rod Young, Mark Faulk to Appear on CFRN (Mark Faulk, Feb 2, 2006)
Vote on this CNBC Poll Now!!! (Mark Faulk, Feb 27, 2006)
The Really, Really, Really Late (yet again) Faulking Truth Update (Mark Faulk, Mar 13, 2006)
Goodbye Cruel World!! (The Very Last Faulking Truth Update) (Mark Faulk, Jun 5, 2006)
CFRN Radio Show Update (Mark Faulk, Jun 15, 2006)
It's Time to Fix the Stock Market! (Mark Faulk, Jun 23, 2006)
Repeat after me: "I don't know" (Mark Faulk, Jul 28, 2006)
Update on "The Naked Truth" (Mark Faulk, Sep 13, 2006)
A Winning Ticket for 2008 (Redux) (Mark Faulk, Nov 9, 2006)
We're on A Mission From God (Mark Faulk, Dec 12, 2006)
Love is....(An Ode to Valentine's Day) (Mark Faulk, Feb 14, 2007)
TogiEntertainment, Inc., announces purchase of Christian Financial Radio Network (CFRN) (Mark Faulk, March 2, 2007)
USXP CEO Richard Altomare to appear on The Faulking Truth Show on CFRN (Mark Faulk, April 11, 2007)
Text of the OKLAHOMA Senate Bill No. 979 (Mark Faulk, April 26, 2007)
Letter To Oklahoma Senators (Mark Faulk, May 1, 2007)
TogiNet Sneak Preview (Mark Faulk, June 14, 2007)
The Faulking Truth Show on TogiNet (Mark Faulk, June 21, 2007 )
The Faulking Truth X2 (Mark Faulk, June 22, 2007)
Saturday on the Faulking Truth X2 - Countdown to Super Tuesday (Mark Faulk, Feb 1, 2008)
Today's Faulking Truth X2 Show - Shame on Sally!!! (Mark Faulk, Mar 15, 2008)
Oklahoma State Rep. Richard Morrisette on the Faulking Truth X2 (Mark Faulk, Mar 22, 2008)
Saturday on The Faulking Truth X2 Show!!! (Mark Faulk, Apr 25, 2008)
This week on The Faulking Truth and Faulking Truth X2 Shows (Mark Faulk, May 8, 2008)
Tired of getting screwed at the gas pump???? (Mark Faulk, Jun 20, 2008)
Vibrators, missiles, and getting screwed at the pump (Mark Faulk, Aug 2, 2008)
A personal invitation to....YOU! (Mark Faulk, Aug 9, 2008)
The Naked Truth About The Naked Truth (Mark Faulk, Aug 27, 2008)
Join Mark and DeWayne on October 20th 12-1pm CST! (Super Secretary, Oct 17, 2008)
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